you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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