Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
