Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
