Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
