the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
