you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
