And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
