sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
