I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
