Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
