Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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