i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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