i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
