I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
