It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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