I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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