Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize