I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the condom got lost in my hair
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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