sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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