Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
