i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
