i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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