The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm both gender and math confused
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
