she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There r osticjed everywhere
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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