and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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