I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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