I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
