Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
