her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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