that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
