No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
