I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
