i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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