I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
