he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
