i think my tv is drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
