My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
