I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize