Cold hands, warm shart.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My feet surprised me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
