I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there's paper in my vomit.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
