yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
