So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
