im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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