If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
