I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
