I think I died a long time ago.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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