If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
