I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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