In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
