the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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