Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
