I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
