why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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