I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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