i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
