I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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