TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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