Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
