Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
