Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
