Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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