I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
