Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
