The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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