I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
