New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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