I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
