i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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