Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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