you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
