Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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