he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
