I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
