before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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