Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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