Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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