WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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