she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
