u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
