My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
