quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
