I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
