Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
