and she was petting her beer can
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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