There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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