She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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