it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
